My Deadpool
by Voideddesert7
Summary: A fanfiction written "by deadpool" as a spoof of terrible fanfictions, specifically, My Immortal. Enjoy the swearing, because thats why its an T rating. Watch out for the language, seriously
**Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I- Wait no fuck no. This is not that shitty fanfiction. You may be wondering why I started with that and honestly, I don't know. I'm an awesome writer, fuck I'm even better than the nerd typing this. Sit back, and enjoy my awesomeness loser.**

 **Hi my name is Wade Badass Motherfucker Asskicking Wilson and I have no fucking hair (that's not how I got my name) with lots of scars and tumors that cover my whole body and brown eyes like pieces of wet dog shit and a lot of people tell me I look like Ryan Reynolds (DN: if u don't know who he is what are you, a communist?) I'm not related to Peter Parker but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm immortal but my teeth are straight and white. I have no idea what that has to do with this. I'm also an assassin, and I go to a magic school called Xavier's in England where I'm in the seventh minute (I'm Forty-one). I'm a badass (In case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly red. I love Hot Topic and I sell all of my clothes there. For example today I was wearing an adventure time watch with a blue plastic ring around it and a red and black spandex suit, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was skipping outside Xaviers. It was sunny and bright so there was no shade, which I was very happy about. A lot of X Men stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.**

 **"** **Hey Wade" Shouted a voice. I looked up. It was… Holding for suspense… Oh right, you're still reading. Yeah it was Stan Lee (AKA our God) telling me I inherited the universe, you should worship me noOWW. FINE COLLOSUS, I'LL TELL IT RIGHT. Stupid comrade. Okay so it was Cable.**

 **"** **Hey Cable my man! How's it hanging?" I asked**

 **Then he blabbed on about something about the time space continuum, saving earth blah blah blah. See Wolverine just walked by and DAMN, that guy has some muscles. Like holy shit dude, I'm getting distracted just thinking about them.**

 **"** **Damn it Wade listen to me." Cable said.**

 **"** **Don't worry I heard everything!" No I didn't. "Let's go fight the uhhh…" I said**

 **"** **Agent X of Hydra." He said**

 **"** **Riiiiiight I was just testing you, stupid." No I wasn't, I think he bought it though.**

 **"** **Why did they partner me with you-"Nope I don't like this sentence he said. Hang on just a quick rewrite here…**

 **"** **Oh Deadpool you sexy motherfucker, I know. Now lets go kill Agent X!" he said lovingly. That's totally what happened**

 **I'm bored now and don't feel like writing the journey. If you want 5000 pages of walking go read Lord of The Rings. Anyways let's see here…. Character developing talks… Nope. Astonishing battles, who cares I kicked all their asses (swords are the best). Oh right, I can write about that one hot blonde I almost got to crush pu- OWW DAMN IT COLLOSSUS.**

 **Anyways blah blah blah boom pew pew I'm fucking awesome yeah. Oh and now we're on an island**

 **(AN: Cable no! Don't touch the computer this is MY STORY)**

 **(Wade you're missing vital parts. Like the times I saved you, and we weren't fighting Agent X you moron, we were- you know what, I'm finishing this)**

 **(No!)**

 **(Wade put down the grenade)**

 **(I will use this. Don't tempt me)**

 **I am terribly sorry for that terrible writing you had to witness. My partner has the brain and vocabulary of a sixth grader, and doesn't know how to tell a story. Since he left off at the island, I'll pick up there.**

"Wade, I need you to listen to me. Wade?" The Merc with a Mouth was busy making out with a blow up doll with a Spiderman mask. _Where does he get this stuff?_ I asked myself before grabbing the doll from Wade. I tore its arm off, deflating the disgusting doll, and threw it off the pier. "Listen to me wade!" I quietly shouted.

"Ohhhh come on! That was my last one Cable. Thanks for ruining all my "Will never be in an Avengers movie" blowup dolls."

"Keep it down you idiot, they have sonic sensors all around the tower. I'm going to need you to-"

"Pull out my swords, kill everyone, stab the bad guy, save the world, go home, hate flirt with Wolverine, and eat a chimichanga?"

 _Why do I put up with him_ , No. Keep your weapons sheathed, we're going to have to go commando."

"Ooh, commando! I love being naked!"

"Wade! Come on, we don't have much time." I directed Wade to an unguarded vent on the side of the tower, and helped heft him inside. "Remember Wade, keep quiet, and avoid the guards.

 **And I immediately forgot and killed ten guards.**

Wade, knock it off! I'm trying to tell them what happened!

 **What's there to tell? I killed everyone, kicked ass and saved the day. Now time to hate flirt with the bub. "** **Hey Wolvie ;P ur 1 sexy douchebag, u no that? 3 ~Deadpoo"** **Ah fucking character limits. This is why you shouldn't use track phones kids, they suck dick.**

 **Anyways back to my story. (I stole the computer and am typng while I run. Thang dog for autocorrect!)**

 **There I stood, sexy as Ryan Reynolds, standing over the corpse of whatever villain I slayed this time. Man I'm good, they should make a movie out of me. Thy did? Well cross that of teh list, now I just need a shtty lwo baget TV series where I bang people throughout space and time. Call it Doctor Pool.**

 **Oh crp hes catching up SEND SEND SNED! GO MY STORY! BE FEREEEEEEEE!**

 **Signed the amazing Deadpool**

33333333333333333333


End file.
